flapjacks70
Ink Slinger
Too early for flapjacks?
Posts: 55
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Post by flapjacks70 on Oct 25, 2012 20:00:25 GMT -7
Hi guys! Hope you've all been busy writing your next epic. This is the thread where we will take samples from actual novels written by established authors and deconstruct them critically. Unless someone else posts before me, our first look will be at a new novel by John Sandford, called 'Shock Wave'. I've read all of his books, but this one is new to me, so it will be interesting to dissect it as I am reading it. I will post a single paragraph in the near future and we can all voice our opinions on whether it's a good one or not. ***note - these threads will be deleted when we decide we are done (to avoid copywrite issues) so if there is anything you want to keep, be sure to copy it to your computer.
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flapjacks70
Ink Slinger
Too early for flapjacks?
Posts: 55
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Post by flapjacks70 on Oct 26, 2012 17:16:15 GMT -7
This is the first sample for the chop shop. I've used this one because I've always been interested in providing details, but without being long winded. In the example below, the cop; Virgil, has already asked Barlow, the bomb expert, one and a half pages of inquiry's. The author manages to add even more yet at the same time, cut to the quick. (I'll add a critique later when I have more time) Please comment below so we can get different perspectives of the technique used. Barlow had more to say about the bomb and the technique, and from what he said, Virgil came to two conclusions: (a) Building an effective bomb was not rocket science, once you had the explosive and some blasting caps, and (b) the killer was smart.
They continued to talk for fifteen minutes or so, and stuck their heads inside the trailer, which looked as though somebody had attacked it with a sledgehammer and a lot of time. When Barlow began to run out of new information, Virgil drifted over to Ahlquist and said, "I'll buy you dinner if you're hungry."
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Post by wehttam on Nov 4, 2012 20:25:06 GMT -7
I think points A and B are kinda contradictory.
'It's not rocket science'- implying that it doesn't take a lot of know-how. 'the killer was smart'- implying that he has know-how. I dunno, just seems odd to me.
I'm not sure, because I haven't read the previously mentioned page and a half of inquirys, but from the looks of just these two paragraphs, I think the writer was just trying to get out of researching the nuts and bolts of building a bomb. And if that is the case, then this would be the way to go about it. It certainly was a quick way to give the reader pertinent information, but doing it in list form was a little bit obvious, I think.
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flapjacks70
Ink Slinger
Too early for flapjacks?
Posts: 55
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Post by flapjacks70 on Nov 4, 2012 20:27:25 GMT -7
good points.
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